Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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