Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
