apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
