A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
