there's paper in my vomit.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
