one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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