Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
