Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
