so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
