Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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