i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
