just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
