so that wasnt chicken after all
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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