no. you can't hotbox the world.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
