So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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