I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
