What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
