i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
