like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
