i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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