i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
