fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
