Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
