This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Text me some of your sweat
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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