I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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