God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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