I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
