Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
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