I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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