she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
