If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
