I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
