Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
