I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
