His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
