I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
