...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
