Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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