I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
