It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Oh god it's open bar.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
