I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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