I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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