You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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