I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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