hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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