By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
