i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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