I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just gift wrapped bread.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
