I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
