Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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