Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
